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Forgiveness

He was never a dad,
not even when he lived there
He was always mad
He would just yell & swear

Of his family he wasn't proud
Pride was never seen
He was just controlling & loud
crushing your self-esteem

He was simply cruel,
making you feel so low
He made you feel like a fool
You were glad when he decided to go

You've done things that make you cringe
A victim inherits bad traits
Seeing him in yourself makes you want revenge
You feel severe self hate

Realizing that you act like him
You start backtracking & there it is
The shame overtakes you as through your brain you skim
You've inherited this personality of his

You work on yourself on a daily basis
You don't ever want to make others feel bad
When talking to people you are watching their faces,
making sure you don't sound like your dad

To be hurt by words, you know how it feels
You pray for a different path
As the years go by you struggle with this still
These memories, you wish you could give your brain a bath

Time passes & your anger's still there
You hear that he's passed away
You're angry because this cross you still bear
There were things you wanted to say

Adult to adult where you had no fear
You swore you'd tell him one day
this time there would be no scared tears
Oh how you would make him pay

Time passes and you still see him in you
when you pick the sharpest words to speak,
making others feel as bad as you do
You know that you are very weak

As you're laying in bed late one night
You start wondering about his childhood
Did his dad cuss, stomp & fight
Did he do everything that he should

How was he treated when he was small
Could it be that he'd been abused
You find out his stepdad threw him through a wall
Now you're really confused

Oh you only thought you knew
The anger was passed to him through abuse
He took that anger and passed it to you
However there is still no excuse

As the years have gone by you've tried to let go
of the ugliness that you have seen
You still have his ways and sometimes it shows
but with age you have mellowed it seems

You help others every chance you get
as a way of making things right
for the ugly in you that is hard to forget
though you try with all your might

You've come a long way over the years
You've made progress, that's for sure
Your temper no longer instills the fear
that your heart can never be pure

You live your life to serve others, 
especially those in need
You want everyone to love one another
You try to lead with good deeds

A work in progress ...

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