Forgiveness

He was never a dad, not even when he lived there He was always mad He would just yell & swear Of his family he wasn't proud Pride was never seen He was just controlling & loud crushing your self-esteem He was simply cruel, making you feel so low He made you feel like a fool You were glad when he decided to go You've done things that make you cringe A victim inherits bad traits Seeing him in yourself makes you want revenge You feel severe self hate Realizing that you act like him You start backtracking & there it is The shame overtakes you as through your brain you skim You've inherited this personality of his You work on yourself on a daily basis You don't ever want to make others feel bad When talking to people you are watching their faces, making sure you don't sound like your dad To be hurt by words, you know how it feels You pray for a different path As the years go by you struggle with this still These memories, you wish you could give your brain a bath Time passes & your anger's still there You hear that he's passed away You're angry because this cross you still bear There were things you wanted to say Adult to adult where you had no fear You swore you'd tell him one day this time there would be no scared tears Oh how you would make him pay Time passes and you still see him in you when you pick the sharpest words to speak, making others feel as bad as you do You know that you are very weak As you're laying in bed late one night You start wondering about his childhood Did his dad cuss, stomp & fight Did he do everything that he should How was he treated when he was small Could it be that he'd been abused You find out his stepdad threw him through a wall Now you're really confused Oh you only thought you knew The anger was passed to him through abuse He took that anger and passed it to you However there is still no excuse As the years have gone by you've tried to let go of the ugliness that you have seen You still have his ways and sometimes it shows but with age you have mellowed it seems You help others every chance you get as a way of making things right for the ugly in you that is hard to forget though you try with all your might You've come a long way over the years You've made progress, that's for sure Your temper no longer instills the fear that your heart can never be pure You live your life to serve others, especially those in need You want everyone to love one another You try to lead with good deeds A work in progress ...