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Forbidden
Through the window I saw you coming, my heart was running wild
I looked at you and the love for you overwhelmed me, made me feel like an eager child
I wanted to run to you, to be in your arms held close to you, to feel you near me
Yet I hesitated for fear that you would not hold me, for fear that you would not want to be near me
I waited
You knocked, you did not open the door and I felt a pain shoot through me, you did not feel welcome to enter my domain
I invited you in and stood still, quiet and waited for you to come to me, for you to want me, all in vain
Your face changed for an instant, I saw the love shine in your eyes, then it was gone and your face was cold and stark
I felt the walls close in and though the lights were on I felt the darkness surrounding and suffocating my heart.
I breathed
You moved towards me and then stopped a way away and without saying anything I could understand your message
I turned around, not wanting to see, not wanting to hear those unspoken words, what you might have said
I wished you would just leave and let me be, why put me through this, I wondered at the reason
You did not come closer, you said nothing, I heard you steps and as I turned I saw you leave
I reached
If I had the words I would have called you back, would have told you how much I loved you, if I had any words at all
But you have decided and your mind was made up and you were leaving, without any explanation at all
I made a sound deep in my throat as the pain inside was just too much for me and you stopped slowly turning
And for once I saw the truth you were hiding, your love, longing and the intense yearning.
I cried
Then you came closer and held me lightly at first and then your arms tightened around me
I always wondered who would be the one to first give in to this love never realising it had to be me
It occurred to me then that this was only comfort, it was not going to be allright, it could never be
And as I searched your eyes I saw the confirmation of my thoughts reflected there for me to see
I let you go
I pushed myself back and stood there wanting you to say that it is not so, that we could make it work somehow
But one cannot deny that which is over, all you can do is find a way, however painful to just let go
I said I love you and that I will love you for a long time still but that I want you to leave, just leave right now
You smiled a sad little smile knowing what my intentions were and said that if that is it then it be so
With that you left
I watched you through the window and I saw you going, my heart was totally crushed
I looked at you leaving and the love for you still overwhelmed me, making me wonder why life was so unjust
I still wanted to run to you, to be in your arms held close to you, to feel you near me
Yet I now know that the way life works is not always the way that you want it to be.
Copyright © Linette Venter | Year Posted 2016
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