For Robin Williams
For Robin Williams
She doesn’t realize
anything around her,
in this labyrinth of reality.
She thinks she has
her own mind
(which she lost, when she died).
I’ve been to hell once.
I fell in love with Anton Chekov
when I was in a psych ward in college
for a weekend.
Chekov was an author
I didn’t know until then.
I had the best
conversations of my life
with people who might still be there.
I don’t remember their names,
but I remember their stories.
One was of a man who saw his uncle
fall from a roof and die,
and his hell was the reoccurring memory
of that fall.
Another memory was a woman,
older than me, who reminded me
of my stepsister,
who also didn’t get
“the fuzzy end of the lollipop.”
She told me of the men who raped her.
I was raped once, too.
I was not "adored once, too"
as the fool says
in 'Twelfth Night.'
She got carried away
with the injustices of life.
She was given tranquilizers.
She was drooling
a few minutes later.
I won’t go to hell twice,
no matter how tough this life gets.
Every day is a “Double-D Day”
and my double-d doesn’t stand
for divorce, death, or bra size.
It just might be the choice to live.
That is my private meaning
and my private life.
It is the part of this poem
that won’t be explained.
Everyone’s Double-D life
is private, if they choose
the privacy of life.
I want to offer you
the heaven of your making,
whether that be
in rainbow charcoal,
black-and white graphite,
or a cold mountain
in Alaska.
“Sometimes,
when you lose, you win.”
Let’s find each other,
all over again.
I want “the joy
of rediscovering you”
in an acrylic painting
of heaven.
*The quotes I referenced are taken from the film ‘What Dreams May Come’ with Robin Williams, the song ‘Faithfully’ by Journey, Marilyn Monroe in ‘Some Like it Hot,' and Shakespeare's 'Twelfth Night.'
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