For Richard On His Fiftieth

Welcome to the over-the-hill gang. We're so glad you're finally here. We know it's a wee bit scary knowing old age is near. It's now perfectly acceptable to be in bed before nine and of course it's time to substitute Geritol for wine. Feel free to bang your walking stick and scream at young people you see to turn down their blasted music before they go deaf as can be. Eight hours of sleep is long gone, you'll wake up after just three for your nightly walk to the bathroom to have yourself a pee Young people will call you "sir" and offer their seat on the bus. Just smile , sit down and shut up and try not to make a fuss. Your eyesight will start to fail and words will slip your mind. Put everything right where it belongs or it's whereabouts you'll never find. It's really not that bad getting old ... I mean older. Don't forget to take a sweater now as the temperatures seem colder. Hope I haven't scared you. Welcome to our little group and don't forget your fibre or else you'll never poop.