For Richard On His Fiftieth
Welcome to the over-the-hill gang.
We're so glad you're finally here.
We know it's a wee bit scary
knowing old age is near.
It's now perfectly acceptable
to be in bed before nine
and of course it's time to substitute
Geritol for wine.
Feel free to bang your walking stick
and scream at young people you see
to turn down their blasted music
before they go deaf as can be.
Eight hours of sleep is long gone,
you'll wake up after just three
for your nightly walk to the bathroom
to have yourself a pee
Young people will call you "sir"
and offer their seat on the bus.
Just smile , sit down and shut up
and try not to make a fuss.
Your eyesight will start to fail
and words will slip your mind.
Put everything right where it belongs
or it's whereabouts you'll never find.
It's really not that bad
getting old ... I mean older.
Don't forget to take a sweater now
as the temperatures seem colder.
Hope I haven't scared you.
Welcome to our little group
and don't forget your fibre
or else you'll never poop.
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