Fleeting Moment
A fleeting moment I possess
I tend to obsess
condense my sight to the obvious sightings
I'm beyond inferior to proposals and promise of wedding bells
unable to compete with the reigning smiles
and the incoming wave of tiny giants
opening their wide eyes in surprise to this big world
Here I stand, a Martian on Earthly soil trying to find my way
my haven from suburbia can't recognize me
even after I turned the clock back four years
judge me by appearance and I seem 16
but back at 16 I was pushing 20 on an island of my own design
now 20 I float back on a raft of 16 to the main land
a stranger, a minuscule insect
dodging sharks and vultures rooting for my demise
attempting to befriend creatures who don't mind my presence
trying as hard as I can to gain what I lost
but what I lost I can't gain
and maybe that's just my own problem
maybe it's that, in that which lies the problem
so I throw away the rough draft
a piece of paper in my hands
to start from scratch
build from love and work my away to the outer circles
reconstruct an inner circle
reconstruct my colosseum of happiness
starting with the slightest infatuation
though when I see these faces I could be enamored with
they belong to another
or I only write them off as fleeting moments in starry eyes
each a beautiful future, a new map to chart
deny myself passage since I don't know where to start
so adrift on open ocean I stay, a navigator lost
Truth is I found a queen of hearts
a queen of my heart
yet she's the Juliet to my Macbeth
she's a Juliet destined for someone else
since her social standing and heritage
forbids her from adorning my side
though her love for me never wavers
so I am the thorn in her ancestors
cause I don't care what tradition is
I just want the one I am in love with
the one I see fit to be held in swift meaning of succession
but distance remains deflection
so I pursue a local enthusiast who shares my enthusiasm
to cease the abundant loneliness in the air
but luck isn't mine
I am Hamlet, a three starred masterpiece
awaiting for someone to pick me up and read me
still I remain untouched and bitter
without an idea to make true
so I fall adrift to sleep broken and bent
a canvas waiting, an island now
In a list of wishes, the one I always repeat
I just want to be happy
but time has pulled irony upon me
At 16, I gave anything to be, well, this
I'm 20 now, wishing to be anything but this
yet the goal back then was the same now
Mother Aphrodite, mother superior, please just help me find my love
Father, Calamity, please shield me from the constant storms
and give me peace
I just want to be happy, happy
not an island now
doomed to sink to the bottom of the abyss
Mother Aphrodite please
don't let me...
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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