Mar Desal Poet Free verse

Feeling at the surface

I hate how easily
my heart turns a moment
into a catastrophe.

How a silence becomes abandonment,
a small disagreement becomes goodbye,
and one unanswered message
becomes proof that I was never enough.

I wish I could feel less.
Not because I don’t want to love,
but because sometimes loving
feels like standing barefoot
in the middle of broken glass.

I get angry.
I get scared.
I say things I don’t mean
because I don’t know how to say
please don’t leave me.

And then I am alone with my thoughts,
turning every word against myself,
calling myself stupid
for having a heart
that refuses to be quiet.

But maybe I am not broken.

Maybe I am simply learning
that feeling deeply
doesn’t make me impossible to love.

Maybe I can be intense
and still be gentle.
Vulnerable
and still be strong.

Maybe someday
I will stop confusing
being afraid of losing someone
with already having lost them.

And tonight,
instead of punishing myself
for feeling too much,

I will let the feeling pass.

I will stay.

I will breathe.

And I will remind myself
that one difficult moment
does not get to decide
who I am.

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