Falling From Grace
I wrote this 7 years ago, decided to post and add to it.
15 year old me:
Sitting out front, spitting like a boy
Cigarette in her left hand
Momma's just looking through the glass
She wonders what happened..
To her
Sweet little girl
Saying her prayers
Now she talks like a sailor
Slinging her swears
Her baby girl, who promised not to smoke
Got her kicks, when you brought her a kit kat home
Ohh, she's looking at me..
Trying to see her little girl.
Because now I'm
Locked up in my room
Hollering a song
But she bites her tongue
Because she knows it won't be long..
Before I'm gone
22 year old me:
In retrospect, for you, I have empathy
But you're the reason I had hated everything
Instead of growing together
We only grew apart
What had started as love only dissolved
Into broken hearts.
You can look at me, but you won't see
Your "baby girl."
You can call someone anything
Say I am your daughter
And that you loved me so
But that doesn't mean a thing!
When your actions never showed
When you chose money and men, in the end
And had the nerve to question
My rebellion.
It makes sense now, now
That you're gone
You left me behind
And the one thing that's
Left on my mind
Oh, is how could you use to look out at me?
When now all I am is a memory
One you block out
Because you know you mistreated me
I was blind
Wondering why
But now I know
It wasn't me, falling from grace
It was you.
Made me believe, oh you made it seem
Like I was that one failing
When you were the one failing me.
I'm a mother now
You have a granddaughter
One that you will never know
And my daughter will never feel
No, she will never feel
Like she is falling from grace
I will hold her hand, she will know her place
Is in my heart, forever and always
I will give her love, give her space
But at the same time, have a beautiful relationship
The one I never had, a guiding hand
Some reprimand, a friendly face
To lead her to a promise land
Full of positivity, no abuse
Top priority, with no excuse
I'm not writing this in spite
It's a tribute
To anyone
Who's been left behind
To say you can't rewind
But you can
Break the cycle
You're never falling from grace
Someday you will find your place
I hope it leads you into open arms
We are all shining stars
We are all capable of love
Don't let your past stop you
From rising above!
If it means anything
To me, you are not falling from grace.
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