Eyes closed Mind open
Sun trickles through curtains specifically where my eyes lay
My face gaining a sense of warmth
My eyes visually see peachy orange hues
My brain already panicking
WHAT WILL WE DO
I lay still eyes unopened in hopes it is not yet a new day
Only yesterday
I repeatedly wanted to simply fade away
Yet I have been given another day?
Truly it does not matter even in my dreams I can’t escape
Listen for a moment I know I sound selfish
I wish I could view myself from a different perspective
My thoughts are overly protective
Due to the chemicals in my brain and trauma I went through Back some days
Causing me to lose connection with myself
Where my left and right side of my brain fight everyday
So close they still lack communication ….
No
I lay still eyes unopened in hopes it is not yet a new day
Only yesterday
I repeatedly wanted to simply fade away
Listen for a moment
This is not something that I have chosen
What I choose is to question my existence as I battle
to solely find my purpose … Huge MISTAKE
Why?
Why am I here what is the reason
Repeatedly while life’s passing through seasons
I learned quickly searching for one’s purpose was unheard of especially at such a young age
Society’s expectations set so high when one does not meet them they would rather wither away
TO BE FORGOT
Take me instead and let another stay in my place
As I ponder do I have the strength to make a difference in the world let alone my own day some days?
What is so important to be given the opportunity to live another day
When I feel as it’s wasted away
Hold on please listen
I hear when you say
You’re so smart
You’re so talented
You are so kind
You can help so many
Make sure to fill your cup as you fill others or you’ll no longer have not a drop left to put upon others let alone hydrate yourself
Well it’s not as if I woke up one day made a
Deal with the devil or prayed on my knees for hours ASKING FOR ISSUES WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH
I am aware how unfair it is to acknowledge Negative over positive I’m getting there I promise
I am surrounded by caring friends and loved ones I appreciate it taking into consideration that is a luxury to some
Some aware of the constant battle happening in my mind
I lay still eyes unopened in hopes it is not yet a new day
Only yesterday
I repeatedly wanted to simply fade away
I honestly truly so much of my life I have said
I WANT TO DIE
Why? My soul feeling tired reminding myself I will be fine
Each day I push forth simply to be OK
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