Home » Poems » Ashley Smith » Expectations

Expectations

I do believe this was done to me treated me like a good girl but disposable, 
a crutch and nothin but moldable, 
to understand your ways and how or why u do things,
regardless of the hurt you know it brings.
I trusted you, took your advice, 
took ur words for granted, never thinkn twice. 
You said you a method to your madness, 
well its not like I planned to feel like this. 
Sometimes your words hit home too hard, 
its like you're showing me how to keep up my guard. 
Taught me how to make things casual, before that would never fly, 
you allowed me to be comfortable in second place, the common rules of affection need not
apply. 
Always claiming 'I'm cool' and all, 
Yet you don't catch me until right before I land from my fall. 
It seems like the times u don't care are the only times to try with u I dare. 
I'm not askin for love or even lust I just wish that in you I could 100% trust. 
I try too hard and It pushes u away,
slowly but surely teaching me to keep my feelings off display. 
At times I feel ur simply tryin to be distant, but other times u make it seems obvious ur
feelings are nonexistant. 
I know your heart is somewhere else and its time I've finally learned, 
regardless of my efforts, your heart's never to be earned. 
I want to be loved solely, a reputable one and only, 
even if its never by you, I can't spend my life lonely. 
Because of you I shut people out, never give them a proper chance, 
cause half of me's still drawn to you seein if you'll ever give the chance. 
People say I'm a great catch and ask me why I'm alone, 
I simply say 'ehh its been 3 years, I thrive better on my own.' 
Much of this is very valid, all of it to me seems true. 
Seems with most people I could care less but somethin was different w you. 
I'm not askin you to be more affectionate, or change your every thought, 
I just hope you find the love you always hold out for, the bigger and better one you've
always sought. 
This is in no way meant to be rude, selfish, mean, or crude. 
I've just been thinkin about things a lot, guess I've changed my attitude. 
You mean the world to me, and have my heart you always will. 
I just can't make myself someone I'm not, the expectations ill never fulfill.

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