existential crises
she realised that she lived all her life as two separate people
identities that would not mix but kept her separate from herself
one that ran away from hardship trauma and reality
full of justified anger resentments and self-pity
with the alter Ego taking her to flights of fancy or delusion
sitting on a rock by the sea and pretending everything was okay
in fact two worlds that could not be further apart and disjointed
alcohol had become her solution and absolute power
wielding a powerful sword of self-harm and depression
through sobriety she found her absolute Higher Power
and a spiritual path of honesty willingness and openness
but faith without action was futile until she faced her own demons
on her journey she believes that she needs her independence
and on that way forward there is no place for him any longer
does not wish there was and made it clear that such certainty would not change
‘I still love you so much and that will always be that way’
but her words ring hollow and the romance of the century is dead
‘My walls have come down which is terrifying and necessary’
and he needs to be careful that the heavy bricks of separation
do not crush him in the process of emotional turmoil
because standing tall is difficult under a mountain of rubble
and he cannot succumb to her darkness for there must be light
he is grateful that he is sober as well and accepts what cannot be changed
guilty that he defined himself almost exclusively through the marriage
made his amends strengthened his belief in a Universal Vital Force
and begins to live life on life’s terms one day at a time to stay sane
his expectations are modest which is one way to avoid further disappointment
Ego and selfishness have been deflated and there is plenty of room
for a God of his own understanding who wants him to be happy joyous and free
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