Exhaustion and Loss

I sit here in anguish, too broken to think
As my sweet girl sobs on from the pain
Of the chemicals, fear, exhaustion and loss
That the cloud of lymphoma does rain.

And I who with joy traded career to be mom
Have failed at life's greatest calling
To keep my child happy and healthy and live
Caught in loving arms when she is falling.

And how do I tell her, "It will be fine."
When my broken heart has its own doubts?
I try to be strong, hold her hand through the pain
But the tears rain when meds knock her out.

The secret I dare not tell anyone else
Is her life is the fuel that feeds mine.
If she loses this fight and moves on from this earth,
I'd follow her quickly behind.

Ironic, indeed, as my tears rain down
On her beautiful bald sleeping head,
Just 23 years ago I watched her like this
Tiny, perfect, asleep in my bed.

Life is a dream you don't know til you wake
If you flew when you jumped or crashed down.
I was flying along so sure of my height
Then I woke in the tears where I drowned.



10/15/2016
For Words Drowned in Tears Poetry Contest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016



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Date: 10/24/2016 8:08:00 PM
Cindi congratulations on your win in my contest with this emotional and heartbreaking write it touched my heart
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Date: 10/24/2016 1:29:00 AM
I feel your pain. So instead of congratulating you, I'll sit with you for a bit in silence.
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Date: 10/24/2016 1:12:00 AM
oh....so sad.....i pray the baby will fight and defeat that cancer.....oh....today my eyes are moist reading these poems one after another..dear Cindi....blessings and hugs //love, Anu:)
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Date: 10/23/2016 6:41:00 PM
Cindi, your out cry is felt down to the depth of my heart... Hugs eve
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Rockwell Avatar
Cindi Rockwell
Date: 10/23/2016 7:00:00 PM
Thank you.
Date: 10/16/2016 1:04:00 PM
As the mother of a challenged son, I felt each word deeply and sincerely. It is horror, pure horror, when our child suffers and, yes, finding a way to be positive when your heart is a million broken pieces is an exhausting struggle. I even cursed God once, a moment I'll never forget but in which I was immediately forgiven - I felt it. Your poem is beautiful, well written and regrettably, truth about maternal anguish. True or not, this is poetry drama that wraps around my heart - CayCay
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Rockwell Avatar
Cindi Rockwell
Date: 10/16/2016 1:13:00 PM
Thanks CayCay. I believe with all my heart that God is going to heal her of this awful disease, but on the days when doubts creep in, I am so thankful to have an outlet like poetry to release my brokenness in. Will pray for your son.
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