Easy Elimination of Stupid People
Easy Elimination of Stupid People
By Elton Camp
(Note: All these are paraphrases of actual product warnings)
For meeting this goal, the best way to go about
Just remove warning labels, let it sort itself out
From the stupid, what could we expect
If these actual dangers they didn’t detect
The bottle of Windex wisely does advise
“Do not spray this product into your eyes”
Lack of this warning would give a thrill:
“Don’t use this rotary tool as a dental drill”
To admonish, Liquid Plummer does choose
“This bottle to store beverages don’t reuse”
On a bottle filled with hair dye:
“As ice cream topping, don’t try”
Zantac 75 urges users make no mistake:
“If allergic to zantac, do not take”
Bic lighter says safety please embrace:
“Always ignite lighter away from face”
So that earplug users may have no gripe:
Breathing hampered if caught in windpipe”
Cautions the mattress on which you wallow:
“Warning: Do not attempt to swallow”
The pepper spray most sagely does advise:
“Caution, never spray into your own eyes”
On the automobile windshield shade:
“To drive with this in place is forbade”
Perhaps elsewhere such things are not said
All of these, in the USA, have been read
With the subject, I am not through
Keep on the watch for the write of part two
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