Christopher Goss Poet Free verse

Drowning

I was 20 and I had a broad smile
But the years passed after awhile
My smile faded into a frown
After time I realized I let myself down

I dreamed of better tomorrows
Without anguish or sorrows
Beer after beer after beer
Trying to drown my fear

Now my closet is full of empty cans
And my days free of plans
But these alcohol tears
Only bring me leers

I'm surrounded by the ghosts
Of the people I loved the most
But it is their words that haunt
Looking in the mirror a face so gaunt

I try to be strong
But everything is so wrong
A quivering gun to my head
And a click, a click, but I'm not dead

The man I have become is a villain
See it's the outline my sin will fill in
But I have to finally admit 
That I'm afraid to quit

At arm's length I hold my feelings
Tired of the dread and defeating dealings
I've got a meeting with Death
Every time I'm short on breath

I am 35 feeling unable to smile
And as the years pass I'll be gone in awhile
Cemented to my face is a frown
Because those beers made me drown

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