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Doubting the Stars

Everyone sees something different when they look up into the stars. Somewhere there’s a young boy dreaming of becoming the first astronaut to meet new life, on a distant planet. Far away, or maybe just down the street there is an old woman hoping that once her bones meet Earth’s hallowed chamber; her soul will soar into the heavens and her life will become a part of the light that breaks the void between life and death. Her journey, finally becoming as eternal as she always hoped it could be. Some just look up and feel infinitesimal, a speck of dust in a vast and obscure reality. Others simply feel a sense of calm as their distant glow sends tides of vague understanding into their pondering souls, unable to fully grasp the endearing mystery of their presence. I’ve always felt the latter, when I gazed up into the night sky I always knew somewhere deep inside that I wasn’t alone. That something was looking down; not aliens, not a burning celestial knot of souls, but something beyond human understanding..something that tonight seems unfathomable and out of reach. When I was young, I had a form of recklessly unbreakable faith that at the time I thought could not be torn by anything. I had a soul, and a pure heart that would break for anyone, as long as someone was there to mend it, at day’s end. I was sure that there would always be someone. Sure that this world was built by grace and endured by love. But tonight, no hope radiates down, I feel nothing, no presence, no understanding, vague or otherwise. Tonight I am simply biology’s cause and effect. The swelling of impure neurons tossed around in the fatty tissue of a confused brain casts doubt of any sort of happy ending. I am sure that someday gravity will take its toll and do its work. Maybe we will get it right next time. 
-James Kelley 2014, All rights reserved.

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