Donation Coming Up

Our local Church is falling down; it’s in total disrepair,
Father Murphy is beside himself for no one seems to care.
The coffers are near empty so there’s need of volunteers
to refurbish what neglect has caused over many years.

But a call from Father Murphy didn’t quite have the effect
he believed would offer him support, the way he did expect,
for on the day that he proposed to have a working bee,
the promised helpers on his books had whittled down to me.

And I am not a carpenter; a sparky or a plumber.
If he’s looking for a tradesman, he won’t find no one dumber. 
I listened to his explanation and his fears that our dear Church
without a huge influx of cash will leave us in the lurch.  

Father Murphy stated fetes and card nights hardly even rate,
and lately there has been so little dropped into the plate.
And no amount of threats can intimidate his flock,
and then the room went quiet when we heard a knock. 

Opening up the manse front door there standing face to face,
is Father Murphy with a well-dressed man who carries a briefcase.
But who he is, is still unclear … is he a spiritual debater?
One minute and clear as a bell … he’s a tax investigator.

And information that he’s seeking concerns one of the flock,
Ted Hourigan has made a claim that’s not as solid as a rock.
Father admitted he knew Ted, and in his flock he’s one,
but Father Murphy’s apprehensive about what Ted has done ...

... until the investigator nearly blew him off his perch …
“Did Ted Hourigan donate ten thousand dollars to your Church?”
Father Murphy’s prayers are answered; to tell the truth he’d be a dill;
so he looked this bloke fair in the eye - and said “Oh yes, he will.”
Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

Poem

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Edmonds  Avatar
September 4, 2021 at 11:02 AM
Fantastic Lindsay, there’s no way now Ted can get away with it, he has to cough up… Belle
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 8:23 PM
Hello Belle ... that's right. when it comes to the tax department v the church, I'm sure Ted will be happy to see the church win - thanks Belle - Lindsay
Jayasankar Avatar
September 3, 2021 at 3:35 AM
An inspiring story Lindsay...Haha... Enjoyed reading... Have a blessed lovely day... Hugs... ~ Ani
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 8:21 PM
Hello Ani ... thank you for putting up a comment on my light hearted humorous poem. You have a lovely day also - thank you Ani - Lindsay
Sands Avatar
September 1, 2021 at 7:10 PM
Wow. What a story! Well written Lindsay. :)
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 8:15 PM
Hello Heidi ... pleased you enjoyed this little tale. The priest must think his prayers have been answered - thanks Heidi - Lindsay
Allison Avatar
September 1, 2021 at 9:47 AM
you never fail to deliver with those witty punchlines, another gem Lindsay:-) hugs jan xx
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 8:13 PM
Hello Jan ... I do my best to deliver that humorous punch. The tax man is a formidable opponent to take on, but the priest didn't mind - thanks again Jan - Lindsay
Canerdy Avatar
August 31, 2021 at 9:39 AM
Ha, ha! yeah, pay up Ted, and throw in a few thousand more. This is a great story, so well told, and with a strong message, Lindsay. Janice
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 8:06 PM
Yes Janice ... don't try and outsmart big brother. He is watching us all the time, especially if money is involved - thanks for commenting Janice - Lindsay
Messina Avatar
August 31, 2021 at 6:11 AM
You are a great story teller, Lindsay. Love this! Hope all is well my friend...Charlie
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 7:00 PM
Hello Charles ... thank you for your comment Charles. We're going okay, but it'll be a lot better if this covid virus was killed off. We will be fully vaccinated after tomorrow - Lindsay
Ball Avatar
August 31, 2021 at 3:45 AM
As always loved this Lindsay. This really made me smile. You never fail to leave me with a grin on my face. God Bless and thanks for the many lovely reviews. Could use some prayers if you wouldn't mind. JB
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:57 PM
Hello Judy ... thank you for your fine comment. I do appreciate it. It appears you may be going through a tough time Judy - Lindsay
Hawkins Avatar
August 30, 2021 at 5:09 PM
I really enjoyed the story. Entertaining and witty...
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:53 PM
Hello Shirley ... thank you. I'm pleased you enjoyed the wit in this poem Shirley - Lindsay
Shaw Avatar
August 30, 2021 at 3:47 AM
Ha, ha, ha, I wonder how Ted's gonna feel when he realizes he's footing the bill, brilliant, Lindsay, praise the Lord, no swearing in church, please . . . ; )
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:52 PM
Hello Indiana ... I reckon Ted might think he's dodged a bullet here. The tax department can be relentless in their thirst for money - thanks Indiana - Lindsay
Callus Avatar
August 29, 2021 at 2:56 AM
You have lost none of your witty poetic touch, Lindsay! This is hilariously entertaining :) I hope Ted Hourigan will pay in cash!! ~ Regards // paul
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:48 PM
Thank you Paul. Once the tax department gets on your back, you'll never have peace of mind Paul - Lindsay
Fenn Avatar
August 28, 2021 at 8:45 PM
What a delightful story in verse! Keep them coming, Lindsay!
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:46 PM
Hi there Jennifer ... pleased you enjoyed this tale, so I'll try to keep up the standard - catch you soon Jennifer - Lindsay
Proxenos Avatar
August 27, 2021 at 1:12 PM
And so the coffers were full to the brim thanks to the Tax Inspector. These people only have to mention the word tax collector or receiver of revenue, and the guilty will tremble! Great poem Lindsay with your ever-present wit. Hugs and blessings, Jennifer
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:44 PM
Hello Jennifer ... when the tax department investigates, even the innocent tremble. Nice to be posting again - thank you Jennifer - Lindsay
Hinshaw Avatar
August 27, 2021 at 12:52 PM
Thank goodness you're back, Mate! Thoroughly enjoyed. I'm forwarding the verse to a few parsons I know! Bob
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:41 PM
Hello Bob ... it's good to be back. Looking forward to reading more of your cowboy poems - thanks Bob - Lindsay
Leffanta Avatar
August 27, 2021 at 11:41 AM
Your "rest" certainly did not slow you down one bit! Enjoyed, and looking forward to more! Aloha! Rico
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:40 PM
Hello Rico ... it felt like my 'rest' might have required the priest to perform a different duty - thanks again Rico - Lindsay
Hankins Avatar
August 27, 2021 at 8:59 AM
Superb! I loved it from beginning to end. Smart priest!
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:37 PM
Hello Milton ... Ted should have negotiated a deal before losing the lot for a good cause though - thanks Milton - Lindsay
James Avatar
August 27, 2021 at 4:24 AM
And the work shall begin lol. Enjoyed reading your fun write Lindsay. Emilia : )
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:35 PM
Hello Emilia ... at least we know Ted's money will be going to a good cause - thanks Emilia - Lindsay
Cunningham Avatar
August 27, 2021 at 12:15 AM
Haha, no getting away from the taxman. Brilliant punchline Lindsay. Tom
Laurie Avatar
September 6, 2021 at 6:33 PM
Hello Tom ... somewhere along the line, a win can easily become a loss - thank you Tom - Lindsay
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