Do Better At My Expense
sometimes
i do not not know what's going on
with me
oftentimes
i have to take a few steps back
to see
therefore
i lay myself up in the bed
and cry
furthermore
as time goes by i become bored
and sigh
i force myself to do something,
but it ends up being a different
version of the same thing that
ultimately lead me here all sad
and sulking in the first place
i make a promise list in my head
and i once again end up lying to
myself in a more uniquely different
way and as a direct result i just end
up with the same feelings in the same
space
the next time i pick myself up i will
wipe away the tears and get rid of
the funk
i will put all my motions and movements
in full gear and i will dissipate all the useless
junk
physicality will be the active ingredient within the
words and i will hit the pavement and really be on
my grind
what am i saying....i am getting tired already from simply
thinking about all of the hard work and asphalt knocking
that it just totally bogs my mind
listening
to that devious devil in my head
again
whispering
to myself for motivation so that i
can win
wanting
my mommy badly to give my wholeness
a hug
daunting
is the task at hand that my effort mirrors
a slug
i focus on proving to all others but myself
in reality i could care less about my future's wealth
it has been a long time since a had a good feeling
nowadays i find nothingism and the like the most appealing
i bang my head against any kind of wall
i am really really hoping the blows will be my downfall
then i hear and feel the lightning rod of heaven strike
somehow i am encouraged to continue to fight better fight
after many a brainstorm breakfast and occasional extended stay
someway....somehow....something finally goes my way
here i am now a vast improvement of my former self since
take in all of the above and do better at my expense
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