Derek's Great Self-Flagellation Tour
Self-harm isn't just a razor blade
My left bicep will forever bear those scars
Faded with time, perhaps
But ever the jagged lines of 2010
No, the new cut went to the lungs
Full well, full intention
To those in the know, it's child's play
But two packs of smokes in a week is the modern razor
All from mistakes made two years ago now
The self-flagellation tour ends with a mucous-laden cough
I messed up in a way that'll reverberate my entire life
Unless I stand up and barrel through like I always do
My lungs are sore and my head is aching
Inhaling more smoke than what rose up the chimney to keep me alive this week
At the far end of civilization, I burnt a week between my fingers
Well below freezing and using flame to heal and harm
So it's been for all of the last 730 days
There are so many ways to harm oneself after all
A year stuck in my head and a year spent stabbing my lungs
But it all stopped being fun a week after Doomsday 2024
I've lived in the Pit since three Marches ago
Terminally embarrassed to have burnt my dream on a single panic attack
Reliving that moment every day and how I could've pushed through
And drinking and smoking every other day away
It's embarrassing to hide so late into life
Smoking at midnight after everyone falls asleep
Washing my hands quietly at 3 AM to scrub the stench away
Taking a vacation solely to be alone with my smokes
So here I lay, so far away from any dream I've ever dreamt
In a shaky interstice while the world reels from an orange solar flare
I daren't dream beyond tomorrow, but one truth remains clear
Derek's Great Self-Flagellation Tour ended two days ago.
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