Dear Self

Carelessly you threw away each wise act of preservation for sake of being loved Today I wonder about yesterday. Why life took you to the brink, as you hunkered down that living rage. Losing yourself in selfless acts of heroism everyday you never counted the cost, and when life got overwhelming, you disappeared inside a world of fantasy. A place where you could not be found. An angry fist lay dormant, while you gave yourself away like a good wife, mother, woman, child. Yet that frozen smile on your youthful face never reached your amber eyes. You gave it all for free, never asking anything back. Full of empathy you lend your hands to hospitals, nursing homes and mental centers. You read to the sick, rocked the cripple and closed the eyes of the dying. Then came the day when you faced the girl in the mirror and realized you were broken. Feeling discarded, unappreciated, lost and hollowed, you realized how abused and used you felt. Filled to the rim with unexpressed anger you went through the motions of life with efficiency but you were so unreachable. During therapy you opened up and slowly began to understand that life was about self care as well as helping others. You finally found the courage to face your demons. Eventually you spoke your truth and forgave your abusers. Moving on, to a place of self worth. Once you realized you mattered, you found your true self and became the woman you are today. As you separated the wheat from the chaff, you figured out what was important and what was not. Today I want you to know dear self that I am so proud of you and the aging woman that you have become. Thank you, Dear Self Without you, I would never have been able to heal myself.