Dear Depression
Dear depression,
It’s always been just you and I,
My question; Dear depression,
Are you here ? Is time near ?
For dark cloud session #10,069
Pushing me to avoid life lessons ,
severing potential successes,
dimming my days, and haunting my eves,
Your suffocating grace gives fuel to this dark cloud session,
This weighted black cloud has no discretion,
Coming in rapid, a storm cell ; from every direction,
I gaze in the mirror, my aged reflection , no life to my eyes, defeat settles in and I slowly accept my dark cloud demise,
Sinking deeper in my thoughts ,
allowing those feelings of anxiety, guilt and depression to aid my moral deconstruction ,
Dear depression,
My attentions yours,
These demented, insidious distractions, have me on repeat in our spiraling dark cloud sessions,
Spending all day in bed, achy body deteriorating, zero energy to remedy my soul,
I wake up to heavy blanketed dread.
I don’t fight back, I don’t push through
the very cause of hurt, my depression;
it’s true
Dear depression,
I welcomed you,
Holding me back from skies that are blue,
I indulge the darkness, and drift away saving my sad for another day,
Not realizing i cannot sleep this fog away
depression sears, bolstering my deepest fears,
Internally rotting; hours and days and months on end,
Physically wasting away;
Things like time, opportunities and fun; slip away,
Losing myself; bit by bit,
Darkness , seeps to dim any light,
I clench this dread ; not loosening my grip
My mind fades numb ,
things don’t matter; like family, social errands and sun
Out of the blue, a thought slipped through,
Is it possible these dark cloud sessions aren’t telling me true ?
Can I detour a session,
by dismissing the depressions lies ?
Is this in fact not my demise?
Then not one, not two but multiple new thoughts found their way through,
I want to experience life with joyous laughter, and to sleep well at night,
I think I may, I think I might,
open my fists, clenched so tight,
Loosing grip of all things negative, unnecessary and not good to know,
Allow my self a a good laugh, a good life, and a good flow.
By not sitting in on an intruding dark cloud session,
Choosing to have my mind, peaceful and clear,
Letting go of daunting things I fear
Filling my mind with things pure and true
I now know , I deserve this,
this growth mindset indeed
One strive at a time,
I’ll take steps to things I need,
To take care of myself better; much better indeed
These dark clouds I’ll choose to clear,
Thought by thought, inch by inch, step by step,
I can feel a new mindset,
And she’s very very near,
Starting with one hour, and then another
I’ll win this war, I’ll choose this session,
All this time in the dark, I’ve learned my hard hard lesson,
I’ll show myself a new way out, the next time that dark cloud dares to come about.
Choosing sunshine in my mind,
After all isn’t that choice?
Surely one of mine?
I’ve decided to live a life, full to max
I’m done with your tricks, lies and your emotional tax,
I won’t give up on me; can you hear?
Do you see?
I’m giving you up, my soul is freed,
Dear depression it’s not you,
It’s me.
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