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Dark Green Forest

I do not know what came over me
To find myself back in this hole
To change my views so suddenly
Craving the feeling to fall

I do not know why I'm so attracted
To the things that destroy me inside
To the feeling of being lost and hopeless
Like I don't want to fight to stay alive

I do not know why I'm so addicted
To the pain from my self hatred hex
To the feeling of anxiety pooling in my stomach
The drowning feels better than sex

I do not know why I'm on my knees begging
Crying for mercy or release
When the moment I'm set free, I'm wilting 
Longing for being deceased

The darkness has been buried inside me
And though the light can easily come in
I feel like maybe I do not wish to
Ever be alive again

I do not know if this is a cry for help
Or myself making peace with my hell
Though I'm saying I love being tortured
I'm saying I wish I never fell

So I'm sitting in the depths of despair
Satisfied if I'm being quite honest
Enjoying the pain inflicted on me
Like a masochist in the dark green forest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




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