Curious Epitaphs

Lecherous Luther was wont to grope He ceased to function at the end of a rope! Here lies Cletus as stiff as a board He slipped on the ice and busted his gourd! Here rests our dear Ruby who failed to duck She was beaned on her noggin by a hockey puck! Egbert the boxer took a fatal jab to the jaw He died on the spot for failing to yaw! Interred below is Purvis rigid and prone Alas, he choked on a chicken's bone! How we lament the loss of Naomi our sister She was whisked up and away by a Kansas twister! Dudley kept in shape by regularly joggin' Alas, he tripped and fell crackin' his noggin! Phineas was laid to rest for his eternal snooze He died too young because of his fondness for booze! Wilfried didn't heed the warning regarding the curve He met his doom in a Lamborghini for failing to swerve! While breaking a bronc Tex was abruptly unhorsed Perhaps the task would've gone better outsourced!