Cry
sometimes i really hate crying.
i hate it when my chest tightens up,
and i can’t breathe and i get scared and
my breath doesn't come back for what feels like an eternity.
i hate it when my eyes are puffy,
and i feel my tears bringing my makeup down my face
and my cheeks turn red and spotty.
only then do i really see how terrible i feel,
i hate seeing myself in the mirror with the lights off,
and i can still see my misty eyes and my streaked face,
and i hate it.
i hate crying sometimes.
i hate the shaking feeling i get when i do,
and my whole body vibrates as the salt water tears come from my eyes.
i hate getting a headache from all the crying,
and i hate myself for crying myself sick.
when my stomach hurts so bad i curl into myself,
and my head pounds,
and my eyes burn,
and my body shakes.
i really hated crying tonight.
i hated getting cold and i hated going numb.
i hated seeing my internal pain become my external.
and i hated feeling so small,
feeling incomplete and feeling helpless.
sometimes i really hate crying,
because i lose control over myself,
and i’m miserable and i regret it.
and at the end of the night,
after I've cried for hours
like I've done today,
i see myself broken
and i see myself sad,
and not only do i hate crying,
but i hate myself.
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