Consumed...

i stare at your face in the photograph; this frozen one dimensional echo of a beauty I have lost - and i feel myself slowly die, just a little bit more each time... i don't know how much more of this i can take; this day-to-day drudgery, confined in a soul-prison of white sanitarium walls and the pretenses of so-called sanity; i pace my way through this fog, this quagmire of ghostly despair, and all the time i'm wasting away inside, without you... for god's sake, i can't even take your calls - can't bear the sound of your voice, as familiar as the throb of my sluggish blood in these collapsing veins... jesus, it just hurts too much - shredding me inside like so many hand-held razor blades i am bleeding for you... bleeding and screaming, in silence and in pain but all this agony is trivialised, mocked by your casual nuances of tone when you say you love me my darling deviant don't you see... love is eating me alive; oh christ, for what i am punished, could i ever repent? can this doomed corpse be salvaged from the grave - no... not anymore, my window of hope has been slammed shut i am yours, for better or worse, bound to you in this macabre marriage of two morbid souls; so entwined and yet so far apart - separated by seas of acrid misery, we drift... you bask in your gentle waters of oblivion, but i am slowly drowning and you can't reach me... i am sinking gently into the depths of death, with only the reaper's hand on my shoulder and the ashy taste of the eternal on my lips; an eternity without you, the worst hell of all... and all could be redeemed, in one moment, if only you would stretch out your hand...