Chasing Constellations

I'm not a saint though I compel myself to be one I'm not a sinner, no, yet I can't outrun the ideology Ascending into descension or am I descending into ascension Maybe I, maybe I am only stuck in the middle It's only the beginning and I'm still stuck because with these words I just don't measure up so I switch subjects now, say what's on my mind but I can't find my breath so I just say the rest with no sound I'm in love with a girl I can't have 'Roses are dead, violets need a new hue stab me in the back, just don't kill me too' If blue is the warmest color why mix it with purple to symbolize pain I've got bruises and scars from boxing with, well, myself struggling to find some way, to find the courage to say this I guess I lost, no I guess I won I don't know but it cannot be undone We met three years ago, unknown but it didn't stop me from giving her a piece of my heart thinking in a sense she would always be mine mysteriously We had this unspoken chemistry, this unspoken confirmation we were meant to be in love, just not meant to be together but it's like I went back in time to deliver her the other half of my heart to rewrite what we both thought true It's like I went back in time to change a piece to half of my heart so she can know what I feel Then the question arises 'If it's an unspoken confirmation, an unspoken contract an unspoken day etched in a sunset entwined in a light sprinkle of raindrops why do you speak of it now' Because for days, it's all I think about for days I just crave to see her face Why do I speak of something left unspoken I had to let it out before I go crazy Why do I speak what's left unspoken to see if she feels the same way too or if this is just a one sided affliction to see if this is talking through my heart or another body part Where there's gold, there's a gold digger but she's a diamond pearl lost in the jaws of sharks who try to keep her to themselves and I, the lonely diver to try and set free what doesn't wish to leave as the ocean floor opens its arms for my breathless arrival for she steals my breath through a passionate time travel kiss leaving me looking like a 5 year old stranded in candy heaven I miss her She gives me every reason to chase the constellations to be with her mistaking excitement for shyness as I grow silent to stare within her emerald garden for nothing in my life can own up to that 30 second moment though in contrast she gives me reason to try and punch my way through the center of the Earth in frustration disintegrate before I break through the crust The good book says I'm weak I just believed I was unlucky that's all The good book says I'm weak maybe I'm just human after all The good book says I'm weak maybe that's true after all for I chase the constellations with a dead rose, a purple violet, and a dagger in my back in the name of a girl I lust for with love I cannot have I chase the constellations for the girl I'm meant to love but never meant to have all to myself the story of a breathless diver and an elusive diamond pearl The good book says I'm weak but I'll chase constellations till I'm blue in the face