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Celestial Mask

So many times, have I cried your name, and you do not answer.
I know not your face nor your name, yet I only know you are a sir.
Perhaps now married, perhaps still single, nevertheless,
You are my big brother, the longing for you makes me restless.
The labyrinth of my life, it is everlasting.
Everywhere I turn, I find more sadness that becomes unbearable and strangling.
I will keep my eyes open and wait for you, but even if you cannot return my feelings, please know,
Us meeting was no mere accident, I believe God sent you to me to show,
I needed a chance to change, a chance to smile!
So those who like me now, they have you to thank, While,
Those who despise me can kiss my derrière,
Because I will not drastically change myself for them, so there!
Don't you agree that it was fate?
I could have met anyone else, but it was you who opened the gate.
When I was alone, self-loathing because of how my relatives treated me,
You comforted me and told me I could talk to you, and through tears, I can see,
Wait for me... Please... We will meet once and for all,
You are my savior who saved one child from the darkness that loomed over so tall.
However, my heart is already the color noir and full of madness, corruption, hatred and sadness,
But you have only seen the loneliness in my heart, the depression and suicidal thoughts, yet with you, the impossible was possible, it was my happiness...
I shared my thoughts with a few others, but you are the first, the only one I truly feel comfortable not hiding from.
Everyone else, for some reason, cannot be trusted or be burdened with this weight of incredible sum.
But the reason I trust you the most, the reason I love you, is because you, out of all the people in the world, told me it was okay to... Be me...
Everyone else after was far too late and by then, I would have been found dead in the sea.
To cut out the heart that pains me, to shoot the brain that over thinks, to drown in eternal sadness or burn away the impurity of those who influenced me... To destroy it all and leave.
That is what will happen, therefore, I cannot risk strengthening the bonds I have with others, for soon, I will disappear without a trace, because of what I believe.
When I exact revenge on my family, I will be wanted dead and will have no further purpose. I will revert to nature's soil.
So, my existence will be a nuisance and though I will plunge everything in a hectic turmoil,
I shall not regret a thing.

May 1st, 2013; 5:13 pm

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