Can'T Understand

I cant understand what is wrong, when everything is going to right. Everyone says "Don't give up without a fight!" Well what if I have won the battle, stolen the princess, and still feel no satisfaction. I have entered my poems to publishers of sorts, only to be accepted. And yet, I long for the pain, remember the fights, dug a little deeper, remembered there is light. So I indulge in my obsession, press the knife to my skin, i reflect. I have a wonderful love, an angelic girl, in which she is my world. Press the knife a little deeper, a little harsher, drag it across my skin. I can't understand why i swim in the pain, relish the blood, putting the knife to my neck. I realize it now, the power the strength, it is merely a sick and twisted ambition. And yet I could not care, lowering the blade down to my chest, I poise it above my breast, in which underneath it beats the heart of a lover, a cutter, a fighter. I think how badly would it be, just to be? Instead tonight I am just naughty little Tiffany.