Brandy

Expelling a sigh
the scent of your breath distills
a vapor of love

i love youhaiku

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Debbie Guzzi

May 5, 2015 at 7:43 PM

[the clean mint/ scent of your breath/ I sigh] senryu- since we know a sigh is expelled air there is no need for the word expelled - love has no smell & to be a haiku it must be objective! BUT to be a senryu it need not be - it can be subjective- so the first decision you should make is whether you can give up most of your opinions and write of sensory FACT which evokes emotion [then you write haiku]OR this is about your opinion then its senryu you want. Light & Love

Ralph Sergi

May 19, 2015 at 2:56 PM

Hi Debbie: Thank you for your comment (or critique)on my Haiku. It was my first attempt at this form and after reading many , I WAS trying to evoke an emotion with a vapor as love as I love Brandy. (Or is it a woman?)I admire your poetry and I wasn't familiar with Senryu at the time. So perhaps you may be a little bit too pedantic. At any rate, please accept an Italian hug.

Poet Destroyer A

December 11, 2013 at 9:14 AM

love the imagery... deep... Have a nice day..... -<-@ luv~LINDA <3

Cherl Dunn

November 22, 2013 at 5:09 PM

Ok very different type of write. I'm glad you enjoyed my booth my friend. cheri

Seosamh De Burca

November 21, 2013 at 6:03 PM

Excellent, I love the smell of Brandy. Great Haiku. I admire this form of poetry, sadly I'm useless at it, but get great pleasure reading other poets work. Well done.