Terry Flood Poet Rhyme

Billy Mcwhiffy - Slightly Vulgar

Billy McWhiffy

Billy McWhiffy needed to fart
But there was a lady pushing a cart
Once she’d passed by and he thought he might bust
He readied himself for an almighty gust

But his belly was swollen with gas he’d amassed
And if he let rip, whole towns might be gassed
But he had to let go though he feared for his heart
And worried that farting might tear him apart

So Billy decided he shouldn’t eat beans
As he put rubber bands round the legs of his jeans
He reckoned that this was a wise thing to do
For if he let rip he would probably poo

But banding his jeans meant he had to bend down
And a fart thundered out with an explosive sound
It spattered the horse and the bulletproof vest
Of a mounted policeman who made the arrest

So Billy McWhiffy was slung in the clink
And prisoners gagged at the ungodly stink
And Billy’s new cell-mate started to yell
When putrid brown liquid sploshed all round the cell

The warden rushed in with a whopping great cork
But the ground was so splattered he struggle to walk
The cork had been pulled from a bottle of wine
But it plugged Billy’s butt and it fitted just fine

So Billy McWhiffy kept it inside
‘I’ll never blow raspberries again’
He lied
When up for parole and release was denied
Well, then he let rip... blew the gates open wide

So Billy McWhiffy went on the run
Becoming a legend for using no gun
He’d smother his victims and when he was done
He’d simply say ‘Get out of that one, my son’

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