Best of Fiends
Whatever rules they make up now in twenty-twenty-one
‘Little’ Frankie tells his dad I need to have some fun
His dad said how about a pet, I’ve just embalmed a pup
But Frankie moaned I’m sorry but I feel I’ve been stitched up
You said I’m bits of people, some from bottles off the shelf
I’ve had to social distance, Dad, from my bloody self
So Doctor Frankenstein went out and told his ‘son’ behave
Don’t have no wild parties with your pals beyond the grave
The moment the front door was shut young Frankie’s on the phone
Hello ‘Bolt head’ werewolf said don’t be sat all alone
Throw a little soirée, I’ll give all the boys a bell
And if you ask me nicely I shall kill some lunch as well
It was sometime later when the sun had lost the fight
And the moon so big and round had won itself the night
Werewolf said your coffee, Frank, tastes a lot like mud
Dracula put down his cup, have you got any blood
Frankie pulled the bolt that kept his head upon his neck
Dripped some blood into a glass and then he said Oh heck
His head had hit the table and it bounced along the floor
Just as Doctor F came home and opened up the door
As Frankie's head rolled down the street his headless body strode
blindly on slip slidey feet... because that night it snowed
Werewolf howled, go get him Drac, with wings you will not slide
But Drac just scowled, I’d suck him dry, his neck bit on the side
Three drops of blood is all he gave to whet my appetite
But now I’ve got a thirst on me and need a proper bite
He noticed Frank (the younger) pass a girl all dressed in white
Moonlight glinted off his fangs... It’s virgin blood tonight
Drac swished his cape and mouth agape he flapped toward the maiden
Forgot about his headless friend, he found all that degradin’
A puff of smoke, he pulled her close, and whispered in her ear
‘Be my virgin bride’ and she said ‘Ain’t no virgins here
I am the mummy’s bride and we were going to a do
My mummy got caught short and so he’s nipped off to the loo
He might be quite a while because he’s wrapped from hat to shoe
Which can he quite a problem when you need a number two’
Werewolf came along with Frank, who hadn’t found his head
He saw a man come lumbering, is this him now, he said
The mummy said don’t think I’m on some strange half naked caper
I had to go behind a bush, there wasn’t any paper
He introduced himself and then he gave an awkward smile
I held that in five thousand years, don’t go there for a while
Dr Frankenstein approached, a head held by its hair
Frankie, Son, I’ve got your bonce I found it over there
Werewolf said How goes it, Doc, I’m told you’re quite a smartie
Could we all come back to yours and carry on our party
Yeah, said Drac, the rules are made by people off their head
This Covid can’t hurt none of us, apart from you we’re dead
The prof said stay for supper... that’s a kind of evening lunch
We’ve got no chips or cookies but we do have monster munch
5 August 2021
For Contest: Frankenstein Tea Party 2021
Sponsor: Joe Maverick
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