Been dead only an hour

I’d been dead only an hour 
My ghost arrives with zero power
My mom walks in she screams and cries
At least it was her oldest daughter who dies
My brother can’t take it it’s all too much
He runs away and falls out of touch
My dad found out two weeks past the date
He only ever tried when it was too late
When my friends found out their eyes got wide
They knew me but they only knew one side
I’d been dead only an hour
And my spirit has faded like a flower

Copyright © | Year Posted 2025



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Date: 3/31/2025 3:56:00 PM
You have good rhyming. Your third and fifth lines are composed of fused sentences. You keep going back and forth between past and present tense with each line.
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Daugherty Avatar
Olivia Daugherty
Date: 3/31/2025 7:20:00 PM
Thank you so much for the feedback :)
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