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Been dead only an hour

I’d been dead only an hour My ghost arrives with zero power My mom walks in she screams and cries At least it was her oldest daughter who dies My brother can’t take it it’s all too much He runs away and falls out of touch My dad found out two weeks past the date He only ever tried when it was too late When my friends found out their eyes got wide They knew me but they only knew one side I’d been dead only an hour And my spirit has faded like a flower

Copyright © | Year Posted 2025




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Date: 3/31/2025 3:56:00 PM
You have good rhyming. Your third and fifth lines are composed of fused sentences. You keep going back and forth between past and present tense with each line.
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Olivia Daugherty
Date: 3/31/2025 7:20:00 PM
Thank you so much for the feedback :)

Book: Reflection on the Important Things