Batman Wants To Be Spiderman

Batman wangled a one-wish deal from a genie fair and real, ruing that his graveyard shift duty had been driving him nutty, this flapping around nocturnal, chasing this and that criminal. He wanted to be Spiderman, that glitzy celebrity on teevee, and genie said yes, but would not guarantee identical identity, and that impersonation or trademark law Batman ought to know. Batman insisted on his wish, genie granted it with a minor twist: the spider silken cord wouldn't zip out straight from his wrist, but through holes of his shoes or pants, whichever opened first. So, folks, if a guy swishes by upright, that's the real Spiderman alright, but if he dangles upside down by his butt, then that's him, the man-bat, and if that's unsightly, that's arachnid anatomy, don't blame the genie!