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Ballerina

Liquid dress clinging and folding A cake decoration within the frosting And the glaze of marzipan, the tip toeing Arc of pixie feet in the snow Icing of the glade catching beneath her The music box played rapture in hearty volumes Restraining an elfin queen beneath the fingers A grasp upon the neck as it meets the armour Of your delicate bones faintly wrapped in silk Or leather, a white coated skeletal waltz Swaying in the effervescence of a dying swan Ankle arched heavenward with a fistful of scarlet Reaching to envelop in fingers and hungry palms The throbbing heart pulsating in those gloves Bursting out a rainbow of red confection Sugar coated, the food colouring sinks in, deep like a flood For what is cochineal if not the blood of an armoured Creature scurrying over each other and corpses, en pointé Surging closer to the edge of perfection, she Arches her back like a cat and earthbound, a faceful of dirt

Copyright © | Year Posted 2009




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Date: 1/25/2009 4:51:00 PM
Great potential! There are a number of places where "a" would be clearer than "the". Alliteration is a powerful tool yet the imagery still must make sense, like wise the personification must make sense. Keep writing! Light & Love Debbie Guzzi
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Date: 1/21/2009 12:08:00 PM
At 18 you are remarkably well read... tell me, where were you educated? Your vocabulary is already prodigious. This is a finely crafted piece, full of exquisite imagery and phrasing. Well done my friend! (PS please look at 'The Morning Speaks...' a tribute to Dylan Thomas.) Thanks!! (PPS I am 60, and still consider myself a 'neophyte...)
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Date: 1/19/2009 8:57:00 PM
Oh Nathaniel really nice to read this one. Great job. Laurie
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Book: Shattered Sighs