Avoidant love

At this my next to the last Enlightenment The curtain positioned to fall I got nothin I am so sorry Layed back to share with you all I am decimated kids done in by my very own hand Raped and pillaged disenfranchised and lost Theres no telling how I will land Heads don't seem to have one Or one with a functioning mind Tales I've showed it and turned it before I am opting instead to be kind I herewith wish the very best to each and every soul As to where and what and who and why Relinquish all control Control Hah,I needed the laugh Pardon please this onerous gaffe It comes from living in fear I am an angry coward yes indeed At me for not defending myself And the world for making that a need Tired of fighting against,and wanting love I will never understand it This dance of push and shove Push yourself till their sick of the sight When they do come where you prayed them to be Then shove with all your might If you didnt want me ten minutes ago What brought about this change If I have to be cruel for you to be kind this smacks of really strange I can be mean in spots and spurts but not as a way of life my bellys full dont want any more aphrodisical strife