Are You Real Or a Dream.

Sitting here thinking of you Wanting desperately to feel your arms around me. Needing your love and comfort. Wondering when I started needing you. Hating part of myself for not being strong enough. Need to stand alone. Or do I? Is it wrong to let someone in? Allow another to offer support? My mind says no, yet my heart is terrified. Terrified of letting someone in, only to lose them. I lost you once, brief though it seemed. To my heart it was as if time stood tortuously still. Not sure if I could go through that again. Instinct telling me to guard my heart. Perhaps even from myself. Listening to your voice on my phone. Hearing it in my head and heart. I then realize that it is too late. You are a part of me. Maybe my other half. For good or ill you will always have my heart. I think a part of me knew. When we first met that it belonged to you. Out of my control. Maybe out of my mind. Just trying to take it one breath at a time. One, second, minute, hour and day at a time. Praying for the longing to lessen. Afraid it will. Leaving me a hollow shell yet again. Grasping at any indication the I am still alive inside. With one last shuddering breath, I close my eyes. At least I can have you in my dreams.