Home » Poems » Shialla Lethel » Are You Here Or Am I Gone

Are You Here Or Am I Gone

Remember when you told me to sleep?
It was dark and stormy, and darkness was deep.
Embracing arms around my suffering shoulders, you listened.
Artificial safety surrounding, my tears glistened.

Those dreams haunted my every thought, mocked my sanity.
It was your firm voice that kept me alive, but barley.
Hadn't it been for my father's arms, where would I be?
These hostile creatures, eternally humiliating .

Daddy, you promised I would be safe,
Hushed my crying, held me tight, always awake.
Winds blew outside in a crazed frenzy.
Rattled my windows, attempting catastrophe.

Daddy, why can't  I sleep when I'm told?
I can't think, and breathing is impossible. 
You rock me back and forth, your fierce gaze keeping the monsters at bay.
Every night my bedside creases with your weight.

But Daddy... where were you that night?
You promised I would be alright!
Swore over my trembling body,
In my paradise of demented fantasy. 

Father, this damming silence has returned!
Lies flowed from your mouth like ashes from an urn.
Because I'm not safe with broken windows and drapes.
Fissures and chips revealing the face.

Bloody traces of reality seep into my pillow.
Gaping from my wall, the trees before is not a willow.
Rushing air  and grasping... things,
I'm trapped, Father! I can't stop weeping. 

Shadows circled me, encased among them.
Carving knives steal my limbs, lost my fingers, yes, all ten.
Demons, Daddy is that why they laugh?
I can't see anything! It's a  bloodbath. 

You're gone, and I'm lifeless inside my mind.
I thought you loved me, and wouldn't leave me behind.
Too late, I see that you were a liar, a cruel beast.
No, actually.

I begin to question if you were ever near me.
Perhaps as a child, I was too weak, and needed comforting.
Or perhaps I needed a Father. 
And you were my last hope of being a daughter.

Pain was my life, increasing my demise.
No daddy to love me, no hand that wouldn't deny.
I remember... everything.
My imagination of suicidal grief.

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