ANXIETY DISORDER CHRONIC FEAR OF DRIVING SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS AGORAPHOBIA
COPING WITH ANXIETY DISORDER PREVENTING ME FROM OPERATING A VEHICLE THIS FEAR I'VE KNOWN MY ENTIRE LIFE FEAR OF BEING KILLED IN A CAR CRASH AS A CHILD BEING PICKED UP FROM SCHOOL DURING CIVIL RIGHTS RIOTS BLACK SEDANS RUSHED INTO BACK ALLEYS BASEMENTS OF CHURCHES OR RIDING TO FUNERALS I ALWAYS HATED THE SMELL OF GAS FUMES MY MOM PREPARED BROWN PAPER BAGS AND TOWELS WHEN EVER MY DAD PICKED ME UP TO GO VISIT WITH MY GRAND PARENTS IT NEVER FAILED I WAS CAR SICK I WOULD GET SEVERELY CAR SICK DIZZY VOMIT ON THE BUS IN TAXI CABS EMBARRASSING I THOUGHT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE FUMES GAS EXHAUST AS GREW OLDER WATCHING MY FRIENDS TAKE DRIVERS EXAMS I NEVER DID I COULD NEVER DRIVE BUMPER CARS RIDES AT AMUSEMENT PARKS MY ANXIETY BECAME DIBILITATING AS I ALWAYS KNEW I WOULD NEVER BEABLE TO DRIVE I FELT INSECURE ABOUT IT THINKING EVERY ADULT SUPPOSE TO DRIVE NOT ME OUTSIDE OF TRAINS AND WALKING RIDING A BIKE BUT NEVER DROVE I AM HAPPY MY CHILDREN DIDN'T INHERIT THIS FEAR OF DRIVING ONLY MY OLDEST SHE DON'T DRIVE EITHER LOOKING BACK MY GRANDMOTHERS MY MOTHER AUNTS NEVER DROVE EITHER I THOUGHT DRIVING WAS A MANS JOB PUMPING GAS CHANGING TIRES WOMEN LIKE ME SAT IN THE BACKSEAT WHILE HUSBANDS DROVE THE VEHICLES CHAUFERS DRIVING WAS JUST A DIRTY JOB I THANK GOD I WAS RAISED IN CHICAGO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION ARE SO CONVIENT MANY DRIVERS PARK THEIR CARS AT THE TRAIN STATION AND CATCH THE TRAIN SAVING GAS RESEARCHING MY AGORAPHOBIA WHICH COMES ON SUDDENLY PREVENTING ME FROM LEAVING MY HOME I NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND WHY I JUST CAN'T DRIVE I REMEMBER MY ABUSING HUSBAND DEMANDED I LEARN HE WOULD YELL SCREAM NAME CALLING YOU'RE JUST TOO STUPID TO DRIVE ANYBODY COULD DRIVE I COULD NEVER SHAKE THAT FEAR TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE THE FUMES THE GAS QUEEZY NAUSEA VOMITTING STILL TO THIS DAY I REALIZE I HAVE NEVER DROVE IN MY LIFE 63 YEARS OLD MY HUSBANDS DROVE ME EVERYWHERE TAXI'S LIMO'S TRAINS TODAY I EMBRACE MY FEAR OF DRIVING WITH GRACE PSYCHOLOGIST PYSCHATRIST MEDICATION THERAPY COPING EVERYDAY I EVEN HAD A SEVERE PANIC ATTACK IN THE BACKSEAT FBI CAR GOING TO TESTIFY IN THAT MURDER TRIAL NAUSEA QUEEZY I NEARLY OPENED THE DOOR AND KILLED MYSELF COMPLETE ANXIETY AGORAPHOBIA SHOCKING BEING A PASSENGER SUFFERING FROM A CAR BOMB EXPLOSION I REMEMBER THAT DAY THE DEACON PICKED ME UP TO GO BUY GROCERIES THE CITRUS WAS SO PROMINANT THAT DAY CAPE CORAL LEMONS LIMES ORANGES GRAPEFRUITS GROVES LINED DEL PRADO TO KISMET WITH A WHITE HYUNDIA PULLED OUT IN FRONT OF MY DRIVER HITTING US MY HEAD HIT THE DASH BOARD THE SPINNED AROUND SO DID MY BRAIN SLAMMING TO THE BACK OF MY SKULL SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE I FEAR OF DYING IN A CRASH MY THE HANDS OF A DRIVER I SAT ON THE PASSENGER SIDE AS THE CAR STOPPED SPIINING THAT'S WHEN THE AIRBAG CAME OUT ONLY IT WAS THE SIZE OF A BOXING GLOVE WITH A RECTANGLE SHAPE CUT INTO IT WHY IT WAS THE SIZE OF PIECE OF DOUBLEMENT GUM THAT'S WHEN I HEARD THE TICKING STARRING AT THE BOXING GLOVE AIRBAG WITH A CUT THAT RESEMBLED A PIECE OF DOUBLEMENT GUM I HEARD THE TICKING SOUND TICK TICK TICK I HEARD CIRO GARGANO VOICE ON A WIRE JUST COVER YOUR EYE BABY DAMN 30 SECONDS I COUNTING WITH MY HAND OVER MY EYE THE BOMB IGNITED AS THE STREET LIGHT TURNED GREEN BOOM! CRUSHING MY FACE MY EYE SOCKET MY NASAL ARCH INCLUDING MY HAND OVER MY EYE FRACTURED IN THAT MOMENT I PRAYED I THANKED GOD I SURVIVED I ALWAYS FEARED DYING IN A CAR CRASH I BELIEVED AS LONG AS I NEVER DROVE I WOULDN'T EVER BE IN A CRASH BUT I WAS I NEARLY DIED NOT FROM THE CAR CRASH FROM THE PERSONAL CAR BOMB PLACED INSIDE THE AIRBAG A MAFIA HIT THIS SENT ME INTO SHOCK CONFIRMING MY FEARS OF DRIVING I AM AT PEACE WITH NEVER BEING ABLE TO DRIVE A CAR FACING ANXIETY DISORDER PANIC DISORDER PTSD TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY NARCOLEPSY DAYTIME SLEEP APNEA EXCEPTING THE FACT I WAS NEVER EVER MEANT TO DRIVE AND THAT'S OKAY I REALIZE I AM NOT ALONE I FEEL TRULY BLESSED TO HAVE A NETWORK OF SUPPORT THE ONLY WAY I WOULD EVER BE BEHIND A WHEEL IS IF I AM KILLED AND PLACED THEIR DELIBERATLY BY MY KILLERS
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