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Am I the One to Blame

Am I the One to Blame

I stare at the sea and the sea stares back while I die alive,
my mind runs like a frozen river caught somewhere past midnight's drive,
the pain begins to sing out loud where silence used to sleep,
and my wide-open soul shuts down like winter soft and deep.

The door of hope cracks inside me like a bell that's been put out,
I'm no longer welcomed home in the house I locked without a doubt,
I carry broken hearts on my shoulders like stars carry the dark,
and forgiving yourself is a blade in full bloom — a chimeric mark.

I fall flat on my back in the light the way a shadow falls into its own sun,
I got nothing left to think about — the thought itself's a wound that's never done,
is it on me or is it on her that our love got lost along the road,
searching for something that only exists inside its own damn smoke?

Is it on me, baby girl, that I never bought the things you dreamed at night,
or is it on you that you never listened to words defeated by the light?
I talked out in the desert and the desert just kept talking on,
you left down a road that leads nowhere except to somewhere gone.

You dream so much and your dreams are walls with no windows cut through,
you talk so loud and your words are birds with no good wings to use,
the unfinished road waits for you with its mouth wide open and warm,
and your door of hope closes shut like a springtime sick from the storm.

I'm still out here staring at the ocean with eyes full of dry land inside,
thinking about drowning in the water where I never once tried,
the sea is my mind — still and killing at the very same time,
and everything I ever loved dissolves like light in a room that's been cracked wide.

fantasyfree verse

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