Ain't Retirement Grand
I wake up at 5:30 most mornings
Before the sun has a chance to rise
Head for the bathroom as fast as I can
To get rid of yesterday's Mai Tai
I let out a great big sigh of relief
As I wipe the gunk from my peepers
Stand in front of a full length mirror
Like Tarzan, in my trap door sleepers
I sure am ruggedly handsome, methinks
Could even grace the cover of GQ
That's if they publish a special edition
For overweight, balding yahoos
Maybe I'm being too hard on myself
I've still got a surprise up my sleeve
Like running a mile in two hours flat
Great feat for old guys to achieve
Here's the crux of the matter my friends
It's something I sadly must share
Try all your life to take care of yourself
You'll still wind up old with no hair
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