Advanced Nouvelle Cuisine

He did his hash slinger training Then with a couple of his mates Set up this high class restaurant Where they didn’t bother with plates, Just bits of brickkies rubble, Guttering and such, Jam jars and slabs of wood Stuff not costing very much, And they served minutest portions Arranged with artistic taste Just little appetisers really So very little went to waste. And they did the strangest things Like serving food in hay Even chocolate covered ants One special gourmet day. Folk came from near and far Just to be seen Eating his creations of Advanced Nouvelle Cuisine. And they charged the highest prices Just to keep it riff raff free And so very very soon It became the place to be. They worked and they strived Seldom long serving the same And so they managed to stay Well ahead of the game And they thrived and multiplied Were franchised all over the nation With proposals from America And internationalisation, They got gongs from Palace And nobody ever knew They’d only been to night class To do Catering, NVQ Level Two. Then came a call from on high The Palace of Westminster beckoned He stood a good chance So the Party Hierarchy reckoned. It was touch and it was go But he only just got beat Standing for the Tories In a very marginal seat. Thus he’d proved that old adage, If you’re daring and brash and bold The people will swallow Any old garbage that they’re sold.