Adding Contempt
I was carting horse manure in a trailer that’s on loan.
I’m driving on the back roads ‘cause I know that I am prone,
to be courting a disaster if I take a major road,
with no brake lights or blinkers and no cover on the load.
I took me time by driving slow but then uttered in disgust,
when I saw a blue light flashing in amongst the swirling dust.
No blinkers and no brake lights, and added to the cop’s report,
was the unsecured load and so I’ve booked a day in court.
This meant a day off work for the ‘bluey’ stated ten o’clock.
I dressed up in a suit and tie for me day out in the dock,
but as I sat back and listened at the cases being heard,
I was getting pretty restless - ‘cause the protocol’s absurd.
They said ten o’clock be there and when one o’clock had passed,
call goes out ‘its lunchtime,’ and so I gave the clerk a blast.
I told him I’m a working man and that he’s wasted half me day,
so how much longer must I be here, before I can get away.
The clerk didn’t offer favours and in fact he didn’t budge.
He mentioned quite sarcastically “Why don’t you ask the judge?”
So I sauntered back in to the court and waited for me turn,
and listened to the judgments that are handed down quite stern.
And then the call goes out for me and so I walk toward the dock.
The judge looked up and said “Hold on, it’s gone past four o’clock,
and then declared “Court is adjourned; I’ll hear your case next week.”
I thought, “You bloody rotten mongrel! I’ll give you some cheek.”
Just as the judge had turned his back, I let out with a spray,
“Hey listen here you goat, I can’t miss work another day!”
He spun around and glared at me, and with a sharp retort,
“I’m fining you one hundred dollars - for contempt of court.”
A hundred bucks! You mongrel … and so I pulled me wallet out.
The clerk scurried up beside me for what he thought that I’m about.
“You don’t have to pay it now” he said -
“I know you pair of nerds,
I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more flamin’ words.”
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