A Warning for the Recently Widowed

When my ashes are brought home don’t place them on a mantel between the tacky Hummel figurines. Tip them out onto the backyard to nourish the cabbages. I am not coming back, but check the wind once more, I might blow into the house again and the dust-buster will clog up. Do not look for me in the sky, I am not there, nor on or under the earth - please really? I may appear to you at night if you lay with another man, haunt you if you marry again, but that’s just me and my little insecurities. Also dear, be warned I still retain the power to trigger the cat to pee on your bed if you neglect to dust my photograph. Love yer.