A Thousand Ways

a thousand ways i imagined how i'd tell you underneath the covers spoken softly offhandedly on the roof with the stars as witness swimming in the lake with my courage warmed by sand through a letter i've spent weeks pouring over a thousand ways i've imagined a thousand dreams i've let myself have dreams locked in my head because my heart is speechless in confusion how can i explain to you what i do not know myself a thousand ways but this was never one