A Nocturnal Incident Between Pub and Home

I left the pub one night in a bit of a tizzy and saw some kind of being like a tin lizzie. This turned out to be a polite alligator now on probation for having eaten a waiter. The police left it tied to a street lamp, it seemed. It looked so kind. how its joyful face beamed. It spoke perfect English, quoted Terence and Horace. I was surprised to learn that its first name was Boris. "In life,' it confided. 'whatever you do, apologize profusely and past failures rue. Then proclaim calmly the past to be past. Now is the time to move on at last.' Its sudden jerk made me lose grip of its leash , before attacking an old person whom it ate like a quiche. "I just couldn't resist, so please don't tell the cops,' it said, tears in eyes. while licking its chops. The loss of that gentleman causes me pain. I promise sincerely not to do that again.' Then two irate policemen appeared on the scene. One was fat and the other was lean. Boris polished them off at remarkable speed. To discourage this act no plea could succeed. I wagged a finger to show disapproval at such a violent and hasty removal. 'I am so sorry,' said Boris 'That's the last time I shall ever commit such a base crime. As I said before, it's time to move on. The past is past. what's gone has gone.' Who then should appear but Lord James Murray, whom Boris devoured in rather a hurry. 'Boris,' I cried. 'That's enough. I'm perplexed.' 'In that case,' said Boris, you are the next.' I ran like a hare for all I was worth as never I ran from the day of my birth. I got to my home, rushed in, locked the door. I hid under the bedclothes, struck to the core. What a hangover I had on the following day. I saw no sign of Boris, I'm so glad to say.