A Mother's Love

Since I was a little girl, in my eyes, you saw the sadness which reached beyond your control.
I was your angel whom you treated as fragile as an ocean pearl.
When there was hurt in my soul, you prayed that somehow my world would be under control.
When it came time for comfort, in your arms I lay, I was consoled as your soft whisper told my ear, “it’ll be okay, as god is here.”
Years have passed. Innocence now gone. Nothing seemed to last. It’s still the same misunderstood song.
All of a sudden, I wish you could see, I’m nothing but a heavy burden, yet somehow, you still look for the best in me.
You say I’m a special spirit but how? I’m still the same old me.
You see love.
I see hatred.
You see selflessness.
I see selfishness.
You see beauty.
I see ugly.
You see a fighter.
I see a failure.
You continue to see a survivor.
You see what everyone doesn’t.
I see what I always wasn’t.
Through all my defiance 
You remain a solid reliance.
While I suffer through the pain every day,
You are my angel every step of the way.
Everything deep inside has made all my relationships collide.
My life as I know it, is two trains on overdrive. 
Meeting on opposite ends, never compromising,
Leaving you for continued sacrificing.
Now everyday as I wake up, I can’t help but see the disgust in others eyes.
My darkened room filled with silence
Watching the world from the window seal, I only want to hide 
From the pain, from the illnesses, from all the hurt I have caused. From here on, god is my guidance. 
Morning to night I bow my head to my hands and pray that one day we could make up,
Yet the next day it remains the same …
Screaming, hurtful words, slamming of doors, the cries at night.
Riding the same wave has made me insane.
I beg of you, please forgive my cruelty, “don’t let it break our strong ties,” I cried.
I want our love back, let’s conquer the bond we once had, the one we now lack. Somehow we got lost in the hidden path.
A peaceful mind is all I’m trying to maintain.
Every harsh word spoken I apologize for, truly sincere from my heart to the core.
“I’m sorry,” is no longer trustworthy. The many hurtful actions in which you can’t ignore, maybe you can open your heart enough to see …it’s the depression, it’s not the real me.
Nothing will fix what I did, all I can do is make the same actions forbid.
My best friend, my hero.
My shoulder, my courage, and my rock.
Through the winds of any storm, our love remains solid, as it’s tightened with a lock.

Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015

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