A Lighter Shade of Gray

In diminishing degrees of denial and doubt, I find myself taking inventory of emotional stock to scan it for inconsistencies: Let's see... Right now I feel… Confused, scared, angry, vengeful, murderous, and demonic. Yet also… Calm, peaceful, nurturing, merciful, caring, reassuring, and reassured. Who am I to follow the yellow brick road that lights the way out of Oz? (my Wizard seems so far away…) Who am I to question the path it leads me on? These strange and unpredictable twists and turns, tramples and tumbles, ups and downs, highs and lows… I’m just a lost and lonely soul hoping to reconcile the light and dark, the white and black. the generosity and greed the spirit and flesh. Yet I only end up compromising my deepest held beliefs in the hopes that I may live a normal life and carry on normal conversations in a world that is everything but normal. Full of lost and lonely souls, who like me, only seek an understanding shoulder to cry on, that could lessen this tremendous burden, lighten this harrowing load, and offer true direction towards a lighter shade of gray.