A Gnome's Life

I would write a little poem if I weren't a little gnome Little gnomes have gnarled fingers where no pen can ably linger All my writing's done, you see by my faithful secret'ry For she's twice as large as I nearly one foot one inch high With dexterity so fine she has written every line that I've dictated so well and I love the fragrant smell of her perfume that I bought 'Tis a brand she long has sought Far too costly it would be on her meager salary She's well paid in other ways and so that is why she stays You see, gnomes aren't very strong but in bed we last quite long Long enough for two or three like my lovely secret'ry And unlike a human male my libido never fails For long after man is done I am still out having fun But just like a man, 'tis true even I must answer to the main woman in my life whom I deign to call my wife And I dread the day when she finds my secret'ry and me in a passionate embrace for of me they'll find no trace And my elfin employee will be just as dead as me For my wife is fierce, you see thanks to Irish ancestry And she really is quite strong being born a leprechaun She is larger than both I and my secret'ry combined Two foot six of Celtic rage she belongs inside a cage But until that fateful day I'll continue in my way For 'tis really all I know now it's off to bed I go