A Gnome's Life
I would write a little poem
if I weren't a little gnome
Little gnomes have gnarled fingers
where no pen can ably linger
All my writing's done, you see
by my faithful secret'ry
For she's twice as large as I
nearly one foot one inch high
With dexterity so fine
she has written every line
that I've dictated so well
and I love the fragrant smell
of her perfume that I bought
'Tis a brand she long has sought
Far too costly it would be
on her meager salary
She's well paid in other ways
and so that is why she stays
You see, gnomes aren't very strong
but in bed we last quite long
Long enough for two or three
like my lovely secret'ry
And unlike a human male
my libido never fails
For long after man is done
I am still out having fun
But just like a man, 'tis true
even I must answer to
the main woman in my life
whom I deign to call my wife
And I dread the day when she
finds my secret'ry and me
in a passionate embrace
for of me they'll find no trace
And my elfin employee
will be just as dead as me
For my wife is fierce, you see
thanks to Irish ancestry
And she really is quite strong
being born a leprechaun
She is larger than both I
and my secret'ry combined
Two foot six of Celtic rage
she belongs inside a cage
But until that fateful day
I'll continue in my way
For 'tis really all I know
now it's off to bed I go
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