Notes About The Poem
poem submitted to "A Broad Reach" poetry contest, Craig Cornish, sponsor, May 30, 2026.
A BROAD REACH--The Toilet Paper Wars
It starts with you stretching~
a heroic, over-the-top reach
across the bathroom counter,
your fingers barely able to
graze the empty cardboard tube.
“You’re unbelievable!” you groan.
“Who in their right mind
leaves the toilet paper roll like this?”
I lean against the doorway,
crossing my arms and enjoying the drama.
“That, my love, is what sailors call a broad reach~
you’re almost there, but the wind
and the toilet paper have abandoned you.”
You shoot me that look.
“Oh, please. You’re the one who used the last of it.”
“Incorrect,” I reply, “that was the cat.
She’s been plotting a coup d'état for months.”
You ignore me and continue your dramatic stretch,
trying to snag the new roll~
the one sitting just beyond your reach,
your fingertips doddering like an old quarterback.
“You know,” I add,
“if you installed the roll under,
you wouldn’t have this problem.”
You freeze mid-reach.
“Don’t start.
We agreed—over is civilized.”
“We agreed nothing,” I say.
“You declared.
I quietly rebelled.
It’s called balance.”
You sigh like a disgruntled woman
who has endured many things~
my thermostat treachery,
my dishwasher loading heresy,
and now my toilet-paper insurgency.
“Fine,” you reply.
“Hand me the roll, O Keeper of Chaos.”
I pass it to you with exaggerated ceremony,
like I’m presenting a royal scepter.
You snatch it, triumphant.
Then, with the precision of a general
placing a flag on conquered land,
you install it over~
smooth, confident, victorious.
“There,” you proclaim. “Order restored.”
I grin.
“For now.”
You narrow your eyes.
“Oh, you wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I would,” I retort.
“And I will.
A broad reach is nothing
compared to a well-executed midnight flip.”
You laugh~
that warm, reluctant laugh
that always ends the battle,
even if it doesn’t end the war.
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