100 Onions

100 Onions (The absconding of the onions) (Onion bandit burglary) In Waterville Maine today the rain stayed a little longer 100 onions grown by grade school students had been stolen The children at Albert Hall Elementary grew the veggies by themselves With teeny tiny student hands Nurtured them and fed them onion nutrients and water Protected them from harm To give them to the homeless who needed them more than life itself We are certain, that the homeless require onions all the time According to our sources and correspondents on the scene They can never get enough onions on their own The children had to save the homeless. Save them now! The young ones said the most distressful things like “I’m sad”, “I’m very sad.” And things like that This threw the community into a whirlwind of perturbation Oh! What kind of criminal mind perpetrates such a heinous act In broad day light or any time for that fact? Is there no decency, no justice left? What about the theft? What ever happened to stealing cars and robbing banks? Isn't there more profit in those crimes? Detectives will hunt this onion bandit down and show him justice Perhaps at the end of a rope or headless by the guillotine Or boiled in the chowder in New England soup, to bring him to his senses Onion bandit burglars belong in dungeons and should be sued We can only hope he takes the 100 onions home and cuts them open And starts to cry for the “sad” and “very sad” young ones that he hurt And have him pay for crimes against humanity and onions There’s nothing worse than absconding with the onions