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I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night Istrolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been awhile. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since thatmidnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up thishitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs andone of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself toruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", this pretty little thing comeup to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "
Well that's a coincidence darlin', ?cause
I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer". Well she smiled, hadabout as much teeth as a Jack-O-
Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I wouldwear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then shetold me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. ?
Course, it's hard tohide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So Isays, "
Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering
Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birthto something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on
Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollarslater I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Gotto nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit it was evenmore of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy babyformula.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slidon into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-
Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "
Throb", when I saw Bambistarin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine howdifficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish theone-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I neverthought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
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