(15:49)
Okay. We're 10-8. And the number is 180 and the letter is G. There is noother possibility. And all you slimy fruitcakes in San Francisco are goingto learn how to get to 180 and the letter G. I repeat, there is no otherpossibility. There is no other possib--
The number is 180 and the letter is G. The first thing you have to do toget over to 180 and the letter G is to get into your vehicle and head
East.I repeat, you have to head East over the bridge. But before you get ontothe bridge, around one big turn, you'll come up to the place where the sexchemicals burned up. I repeat, where the sex chemicals burned up. And ofcourse you all must have heard about that on news center four...
On your wayto 180 and the letter G.
And now we're on the bridge. That's nothing very much, but when you get onthe other side of the bridge on your way to 180 and the letter G, you'llnotice two things. First of all it's very important that you turn on your
AM radio. Set it to 1010 on your dial, and let the radio frequency energyfrom K-101 overload your little tuner until it distorts very highly. Andright at the point of that extreme distortion, there's the big chairs. I'mnot exactly sure, but I think that's where all the sewer water from Oaklandgoes.
And then, by then, you'll be out of all that distortion, and you'll belooking East, toward the hills, and if it's at night, you'll see the littlered lights flashing on my favorite ham radio repeater station -- that's WR6
Automatic Bowel Movement.
And any of you who are into jamming, keep talking, keep jamming, because
I'll be listening on my scanner radio, and just maybe...you'll be on thenext album.
You come up to the tunnel. And now we're coming up to the tunnel. Up tothe tunnel. And then as you get into the tunnel, you'll start to sensesomething. And then about halfway through the tunnel, something willsuddenly hit you. You won't sense it a lot until you get almost through tothe other side. You'll realize right then and there that you're entering
Contra-
Costa County. It's hard to explain [hard to explain, hard toexplain], but you feel a certain way when you get into Contra-
Costa Countyon your way to 180 and the letter G. There is absolutely no otherpossibility.
And then you're gonna whisk out, out of the tunnel on the East side, in
Contra-
Costa County, where it's about 40 degrees warmer and the humidity isabout 15 percent, and you'll just stay on that freeway all the way untilyou get to Martinas. When you're up to Martinas, you'll see a sign, a signthat says `G.' And you're just gonna go right on up there in your littlevehicle and you're gonna turn left onto G.
On the left hand side of the street is the A
&W root beer place, and on theright side is another little place where you're gonna go later on in thestory: Safe Muffins.
Now that you're on G, you're just gonna keep right on going up G, heading
West on G, all the way to the top of the hill, and that's where 180 is.
Right up there at the top. And just before you get to the top of the hill,you'll notice the green slime oozing out from under the house at 180 andthe letter G.
And of course, it had to be true, you just gotta go right back down to Safe
Muffins and shoplift. I repeat, you're gonna have to shoplift the HR Steam
Cleaning System from Safe Muffins. The only way you're gonna be able to doit successfully is to become invisible. And then when you're totallyinvisible, you'll just creep right on into Safe Muffins, and thereyou'llsee it: The HR Steam Cleaning System. And then you'll realize thatyou're gonna have to get it up the street to 180 very quickly, so you whiskyour Steam Cleaning System right back up G all the way to 180. You goright up to the front door and you push the button.
The door opens automatically, and the first thing you see is the orangecarpet inside 180...and you'll see the dog juice, the horrible dog juiceall over the orange carpet at 180 and the letter G. You're just gonnamarch right on into G, there, with your HR Steam Cleaning System, go allthe way back into the kitchen, where the Mr. Coffee Coffee-amker has yourhot water. Your hot water, ready to pour into your HR Steam Cleaning
System. So you go in there and get your HR Steam Cleaner all fired up, andyou bring it on out into the living room and you take care of all the dogjuice on the orange carpet at 18 and the letter G."I think I'd like to have a cigarette now. Where are mycigarettes, David?"``
They're on top of the refrigerator.''"
David, I'd like to know what you did with my cigarettes."``
They're under the house.''"
My cigarettes are missing, David. I'd like to smoke. What didyou do with them?"``
They're in the toad cage.''"
David, I'd like to have a cigarette right now bu t
I can't find thepackage. I put them on the table and they're not there. Did you takethem?"``I think we may have left them up at Grandma's house.''"
My mother doesn't smoke, David. What did you do with mycigarettes?"``I told you, they're on top of the refrigerator.''"I looked on top of the refrigerator. They aren't there. will youplease tell me what you did with my cigarettes?"``
Maybe you left them in the car.''"I haven't been in the car all day. You must have put themsomewhere and I can't find them. You better tell me now or I'm going toreally get mad."``
Oh yeah, I think I know where they are. They're in back of the
TV set, where all the parakeet feathers are.''
As you're cleaning the orange carpet, there'll be a voice that says:"FETCH MY CIGARETTES."
Another voice will say:``THEY'RE ON TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR.''
And then of course you've forgotten completely about the green slime. Andyou'll realize that the only way to get rid of the green slime is to goback down, down the stairs, down to the basement of 180 and the letter G,where you'll find a bottle of Formula 409. You'll get that 409 up therereal quick, and go outside to the mailbox of 180 where the green slime andall the ants are oozing out onto the sidewalk, and you'll spray it with allyour might as hard as you can on that goddamn green slime. And then you'llhave gotten all that horrible stuff.{
There are gonna be?} toads under the house, and they'll be saying,"
Herbiss, herbiss, under the house, spray me with the 409, herbiss." That'swhat the toads are gonna say to you. They won't croak, they'll actuallysay that. When you're at G...and 180.
By then you'll realize that you're gonna have to take your HR Steam Cleaning
System back down to Safe Muffins. And before you can do it, you'll ofcourse have to become invisible once again. You'll take your HR steamcleaning system, which you shoplifted from Safe Muffins, you'll put it backin for somebody else to use, at some other number, some other letter,somewhere in another dimension.
And it'll be time for you to head back to San Francisco, 'cause if youdon't, you'll never leave Contra-
Costa county. You'll get back in yourvehicle, and you'll go in reverse, in reverse gear, using your rear-viewmirror, all the way back down the freeway, past Pleasant Hill, Lafayette,and Orinda. You'll go back through the tunnel, and you're gonna get backon the other side of the hills, there, through the tunnel, right past theham radio repeater, and you'll whisk down that hill at 90 miles an hour.
You'll get into the appropriate lanes, on your way from 180 and the letter
G, back into San Francisco. Back past K101 and the big chairs, whichremind you of the sewer gas back on G, where you could become invisible.
Not really sure if Oakland sewer gas can do it as well as Martinas sewergas. And you're on the bridge now, heading West, into the fog, the highfog, I repeat: fog never touches the ground in California, it's always sodamn high. And you get across, and you look back to where the sexchemicals were made, and finally you get back into your sewer pipe, anddisappear down into the sewers of San Francisco, and you know that you'llnever ever want to come out to 180 and the letter G, ever again. And inthat sorry situation, I think it's just about time we went 10-7. I'mgetting that feeling now. Deep within the sewer pipes by now. You'llnever find your way out. You'll never want to find your way out. We're10-7. Out.
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